Everywhere from the lyrics of One Direction songs to the judgmental commentary of bare-faced friends, the societal feelings about what it means to be a girl who changes her appearance are hard not to notice. Almost any girl who wears makeup — whether to cover up a problem, or simply for fun — has encountered, at least once, a patronizing commentary of “Why do you put that stuff on? You’re perfect just the way you are, you don’t need all that makeup,” or something of that nature. We are told that men prefer “natural” girls, that wearing makeup means we’re “fake,” or that we should just “be ourselves.” No matter how limiting it is to our own personal agency or respecting of how we want to treat our own bodies, many people still believe this commentary to be generally positive, even pro-woman.
Setting aside the deeply insulting and hurtful experience of having a woman with perfect, glowing skin tell you that your wearing of foundation somehow makes you inherently “not yourself” in some way, it’s important to note that this rhetoric extends to much more than just makeup. Everything from spending time on your hair every day to dressing in an overly “put-together” fashion can put you under the harsh gaze of both women and men who feel that if you in any way deviate from what is “natural,” they have a valid reason to criticize you and your perceived confidence. For the relatively minor crime of styling my hair before I leave the house, I have been subject to many a condescending rant from women more “natural” than I, who insist that they just “shake their hair and go” because they “love to be themselves.” And this commentary would be fine, were it not built, at least in part, on the idea that somehow a woman who wears makeup or does her hair is not “loving herself” with the same honesty.
Regardless of the reasons why someone may alter their appearance — or what means they use to do it — if they are making a choice which makes them feel better about their body, it is no one’s job to shame them for it or imply that they are not being honest with themselves. The truth is, “being yourself” and “being natural” are things which each person decides. None of us are walking around naked — everyone is doing something to change the way they look, at least slightly. We get haircuts, we have different clothes for different occasions, we shave, we do things every day which make us more suited to our environments and allow us to express different ideas through our appearances. There is no arbitrary line drawn in the sand over how much you’re “allowed” to alter yourself before it’s considered compensating, or dishonest, or deserving of derision.
A woman who is dressed to the nines and in a full face of makeup is just as much a woman — and just as deserving of respect — as one who lives every day bare-faced and in simple garments. If you happen to feel at your personal best and most attractive when you are at your most minimally altered, good for you. But it is never anyone’s job to tell a woman concealing her blemishes, or putting on a pair of Spanx, or styling her hair, that she is somehow less real. The only thing we should be shaming, when it comes to what women do, is our weird cultural need to maintain control over other women’s bodies.
I rarely ever participate in social gatherings. So when I do join in on one, my senses are heightened..
I realise I have been missing out on so much fun while they were doing this every other weekend for over 6 months.. So many fun stories to hear about, laugh about and also become horrifiied by. All great information.
Then of course if you are 10 people there is bound to be 4 of them who try to out-talk each other, keep interrupting others and/or hijacking stories… Lol.. Then of course there is bound to be one or two people who have to give you ALL of the background information of that particular day that something they are about to tell you about…as soon as they finish talking about their life situation at that time -and maybe throw in their neighbour’s car type and job description..And you wish to turn and listen to one of the interrupters to see if their story is less filling and more action…..
I bet if they do this every week most of them know each other’s stories and it is even worse if you have to listen to them all over again every Friday because somebody new has joined (like I did yesterday..)
Once a month is more than enough. Semester meeting is probably more down my alley :D
Singer and Grismaijer, co-authors of Dressed To Kill: The Link Between Breast Cancer and Bras, say that wearing a bra more than 12 hours a day dramatically increases the risk of getting breast cancer. A woman who wears a bra 24/7 is 125 times more likely to develop breast cancer than a woman who rarely or never wears a bra. Those who sleep in their bra, they found, have a 75% chance of developing breast cancer at some point in their lives.
Harvard did a study in 1991 that showed greatly increased incidence in breast cancer in those who wear bras over those who don’t.
This research has been shown to the Susan G. Komen Foundation as well as the American Cancer Society, and they have been aware of the research for at least 20 years. There are no studies that refute this. Yet nowhere in their information about breast cancer is there as much as a mention that taking off one’s bra at the end of the day can make a difference. That omission of information is what has Singer and Grismaijer so frustrated. It is why they are “calling for a boycott of these organizations until they stop dismissing the bra-cancer link, and begin educating doctors and women about the cancer hazards of wearing tight bras.”
My mother died of breast cancer in 2004, yet I have never even heard this or thought about there being a connection between bras and cancer. Fuck. Thank you for reblogging this.
FREE THE BOOB
Self-reminder: Confrontation is the way to go whenever possible, and as soon as possible.
My trash just got thrown over to my “wall”. (I had put it next to the elevator, touching the wall our neighbor’s door connected to, as I have done since I moved in over 2 years ago.) I just figured it was closer to the elevator and easier for the landlord assistant to pick up from there…
A couple of days ago I came home early in the morning from a 10 hour’s duty - our flying time was 7,5 hour…Getting out of the elevator I heard my neighbor say something rather “shouty” about a door and a bag, followed by a “thank you!” in English..which was weird because they’re not native English speakers so why would she say something in English to somebody else in her family? (Bear in mind, this was behind a closed door so while I felt like it was meant for me, it might as well have been for somebody she was speaking with on the phone…Because who speaks to people behind closed doors???!!?!?)
Lol.. People who’ve gotten enough, I suppose… Kept it in, kept it in and kept keeping it in until they went mental and started throwing around thrash bags… Oh, dear.. I wish they would have left a note as soon as it started bothering them… Not that I intend to leave them a note now. Now we are enemies? (I really hope not, haha) What have I got to tell them anyways? I didn’t know I was supposed to be sorry, so should I be it now?
Anywhooo, I hope that’s the last thing.. Because it really is no problem whatsoever to put the trash on my side of the hallway at all - In fact, it’s easier. :)
When someone else’s actions are affecting me in a negative way in the future, I will go to them as soon as I can. I will acknowledge that they probably are very busy and suggest that if they don’t have time I can come back again—- then “I am really sorry.. this is gonna sound silly but there is this little issue that I would like to talk with you about..I am sure you don’t mean to and might not even be aware of this… but there is this thing you do that really bothers me in this/that way. Do you think you could try doing this/that/thot instead?”
Nobody wants to fight over INCREDIBLY petty issues. Especially because we let them become big by postponing action for too long..
- Always say yes to seeing friends
- Eat breakfast every day
- Recognize that positive change rarely happens overnight
- Accept the fuck-ups, but try not to let them happen again
- There is a song to remedy every situation on the planet
- Appreciate the people in your life
- Look for the good in everything
- Try new things and try them often
- Treat yourself as well as you treat others